When we really want something, our minds have a way of looping back to it.
I’ve been thinking about when that loop helps us—and when it starts to consume us.
It starts with wanting something and understanding why it matters. That gives us motivation. It gives us fire. It also creates pressure, which can be a good thing.
Then comes the work: building the slides, creating the product, making the plan.
I like this phase because it gives that energy somewhere to go. We get immersed in doing something, rather than just thinking about it.
After execution comes revision. We rethink, refine, and sharpen what we’ve built. There is still something useful to do.
But once that work is done, the hardest phase begins: waiting for the outcome.
What will happen? What could go wrong? What did I miss? The mind starts running through every scenario.
Some of that thinking is useful. It helps us notice blind spots and see where we could do better.
But beyond a point, it stops helping. We’re walking, taking a shower, or trying to unwind, and part of our mind is still working on “it.” We’re no longer improving the work. We’re trying to think our way into a result.
That’s the distinction I keep coming back to: we can put in the effort, but we can’t force the outcome.
It’s easy to say and hard to practice. Still, our energy is better spent on what we can control.
That doesn’t mean we stop wanting better things. It means recognizing where our influence ends. We can take responsibility for what we do without taking responsibility for everything that happens afterward.
Take wanting a better role at a company.
We can prepare thoughtfully, draw on our experience, and make the strongest case we can. We can show up ready and represent ourselves honestly.
But once we’ve done that, replaying the interview doesn’t give us control over the decision.
Other people’s priorities, internal politics, and conversations we aren’t part of may all play a role. We won’t know every factor, and we can’t manage all of them.
So I’m trying to change where I close the loop.
Not at “Did I get the role?” but at “Did I prepare well and give it my best?”
There is still room to learn from feedback and follow up when needed. But that’s different from keeping the outcome on repeat in my head.
If I’ve done what I can, I want to let that be enough to step away. Not because I care less, but because caring more won’t make every part of the result mine to control.
As Surjit Patter said, “Mali da kam pani dena, char char mashkan paave, malak da kam phan phul lana, lave ja na lave.”
Do the work. Give it your best. Then let the outcome be what it will be.
Our effort is ours. The rest isn’t entirely up to us.