Solitude vs. Loneliness: Why Being Alone Doesn’t Mean Being Lonely

It took me a long time to realize the difference between two very important words: being alone and being lonely.

I have always enjoyed being alone. 

Even as a kid, I felt that I simply needed more time by myself. 

There was just so much to do.

During my early college days, when I first got a computer, I was constantly working with CDs and software. In those days, everything came on physical discs. There were a few tech magazines that were very popular, like Chip and Digit. My mom bought them for me regularly, and they became a ritual.

Because they were premium magazines, they came wrapped in a plastic bag. They covered the latest news from the tech world, but the most important thing was the beautiful CD packed inside. It was loaded with new software, demos, and games.

I couldn’t wait to rip open the plastic, read the articles, and download the software onto my machine. It was the best feeling in the world.

I spent hours installing and reinstalling software, cleaning up the OS, backing up the hard disk, and defragmenting drives to speed up data retrieval. To most people, that sounds like work. To me, it was super fun. And then there was Winamp—the best music player ever—and the endless custom skins you could find for it.

With time, I started coding and building simple web pages. I was always on my computer, always reading, always learning. It felt like there just wasn't enough time in the world to do it all.

Because of this, I never felt that I needed anyone else to entertain me.

My Brother, Playing cricket, Watching cricket and My computer - this was more than enough. 

That pattern continued into my later college days. 

I could work for hours on my own, completely immersed in geeky stuff, and feel perfectly content.

As I got older, running came into my life. I never ran too far, and I never ran in a group. I truly enjoyed running by myself.

30 minutes, maybe 45 minutes. That was the extent of it. I loved going to a new city, running for a while, and feeling like I was seeing a side of it that tourists usually miss.

Photography became the same way. Just being by myself was enough to see something beautiful. When you are alone, you see things that others aren't seeking out. You pay attention to the details.

However, living here in the US, I started hearing a different narrative. People constantly talk about how they are lonely. I hear how life in the US is isolating. Even my wife has used that term quite a bit.

But, truth be told, I don’t even seek company.

My experience in life has been the opposite. Some of the best relationships and friendships I have were never forced—they just came to me naturally. I never had to chase them.

I’ve realized that when people have nothing meaningful to do in life, social media makes them feel miserable. They scroll through feeds and see everyone in groups, looking great, smiling, traveling, and having "fun."

But the reality behind those momentary smiles is often very different. I think we all know that, even if we don't want to accept it.

I realized that I rarely feel lonely. Rather, I love solitude.

I value reading, writing posts like this, and spending time with myself. I prefer this over being with people who have hidden agendas, who are not reaching out for better things in life, or who are not learning every day. I want to be around people who are trying to be better than they were yesterday.

General chitchat in a group just to impress people or make friends doesn't appeal to me.

We don't need to try so hard. We need to look within and see what we truly enjoy. We need to find what gives us energy and do more of that, more often.

If you are busy growing, learning, and exploring, you are not lonely. You just need to find the things that give you energy and pursue them.