19 September 2008

Confusions & CrossRoads

It’s been over a week I wrote something. The reason behind that was an hodgepodge of bad health due to the never ending throat infection, thanks to "Namma Bangalore traffic", oodles of work at the office and also some bewilderment which has started its dingdong once again.
It’s not a recent confusion but one which has been lingering since last probably 7-8 years. Now don’t apprehend me for trying to quote that I have been into the corporate world since donkeys years, but that 7-8 years mean that during my graduation I was game for starting something on my own, started too, moved on and then while I was into my computer majors from Madurai, always back of my mind was whether this would be a technical De-tour to my own fantasy land of starting some business. As I plunged into my job, the only thought to spend sometime and then run out for my MBA and start out. But soon I realized that I should be spending some quality time in the corporate sector before seeking out for a eminent college in the country. Accepting the fact, I moved on but always boiled seeing the business models and team integrations and wondered if that was what I was built for. I never felt that I would want to fix code or provide any technical support, when the only support I could provide was to me and that too morally. I was thoroughly inclined towards a business orientation and so did the job give me an option to move on.
To sum up my confusions in a single go, I have been an avid reader, and love to write too. I started writing a book during my sabbatical out of my graduation, finished some 200 odd pages and then things got pushed due to my entrance tests clouding in. I started some couple of websites, did some freelancing for almost 3 years, earned some quick bucks and quite an amount of publicity, and could not mature the idea of going entrepreneur and making it big. Still the idea of starting a web dev company haunts me and I appreciate the fact that now I can club thinking about business models to top any such ideas. Then its just thousands of potential ideas which strike in and out and get confused with. I was pretty amazed by the speech of my director here at my Red organization, where he stressed the point stating his own examples that one should try to find that one thing which one love and should go for it. He even quoted that he spent 20 years moving around, hoping jobs and trying to explore himself and see exactly where his interest and happiness lied.
At times my mind gives me great ideas about developing a small food chain and growing it big, then a company which specializes into web development, and trades on supporting business ideas do throng in. At times since I have edited some articles and even started a small journal kind of stuff back at my colleges haunts me and gives me confidence that I can start up a magazine and if I can run it and make it big, this would be something of my utmost love. I am already going ahead for a management journal, just out of my sheer love.

And then the ground reality strikes where the decision to quit and chase something like this without having a reasonable investment backing up hits hard. I am sure anyone who starts or plans something of this sort, would or may be going through the same confusion, but I would really like to get inputs on how do people plan such decisions and if any suggestions can get the ball rolling.

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